When the people you love don't support your health journey (and what to do about it)

I have to start with saying this: you're not weak, dramatic, or too sensitive for wanting support from the people closest to you.

Starting or recommitting to your health and fitness journey is already a big lift (physically, mentally, and emotionally). Doing it while the people closest to you are confused, dismissive, or flat-out unsupportive? That hits different and can feel pretty freaking shitty.

This is common. Lack of support doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong—it means you’re doing something different. And different tends to shake things up.

Oftentimes, the pushback isn't about you at all. It's about them. Their discomfort. Their fear. Their resistance to change in the relationship dynamic.

Let’s walk through why this happens, what it brings up, and how to move forward without abandoning yourself, building resentment, or creating controversy in your relationships in the process.

What Unsupportive Actually Looks Like

Lack of support rarely shows up with a villain monologue. It's quieter. Sneakier. More passive-aggressive than actively malicious. It looks like:

• Eye rolls, jokes, or dismissive comments when you mention your goals or turn down food that doesn't align with how you want to feel

• Passive resistance disguised as concern: "Do you really need to go to the gym?" or "You're not going to eat that, are you?"

• Sabotage masked as care: "Just relax, you're doing too much" (translation: I'm uncomfortable with your commitment)

• Pressure to stay the same, so the dynamic stays comfortable for everyone else

• Silence instead of encouragement—no acknowledgment when you hit a milestone, no curiosity about why this matters to you

None of this is love. It's control disguised as concern. And it hits hard because humans are wired for belonging, relatedness, and safety. When the people we love push back on our growth, it taps into primal fears: being misunderstood, outgrowing people we care about, creating conflict, and being alone in something that matters deeply.

Change threatens relationship dynamics. Your growth highlights differences, and differences create discomfort. When you start showing up differently—more consistently, more confidently, more aligned with who you're becoming—it forces the people around you to look at their own patterns. Not everyone wants to or is ready to do that work.

The Reframe That Can Change Everything

Here's a big shift: Support doesn't equal agreement.

Someone doesn't have to want what you want to respect it. They don't have to join you in the gym, eat the way you eat, or even understand why it matters. They just have to not tear it down.

You can honor your relationships without abandoning yourself. These aren't mutually exclusive. Waiting for permission to prioritize yourself is B-A-N-A-N-A-S. That's just staying stuck with extra steps.

You're allowed to choose yourself without making it a fight.

This isn't about proving anything to anyone. It's not about showing them they were wrong or making them see the light. It's about deciding that your health, confidence, mental clarity, and self-trust matter. It’s about deciding that you and what you want matter.

Get Clear on Your Why (Because This Shit is Hard)

When external support is shaky, your internal guiding light has to be strong. You need reasons that run deeper than aesthetics, proving something to someone, or “shoulds.” 

Ask yourself:

• Who do I want to be, regardless of who cheers?

• What version of me feels proud at the end of the day?

• What kind of future do I want to create?

• How do I want to feel in my body and my mind?

• What kind of energy do I want for my life?

• Who else benefits from me prioritizing myself and my well-being?

When your why is rooted in who you're becoming, what you want your life to look and feel like, and what really matters to you in your life, external opinions lose a lot of their power.

Boundaries Without Defensiveness

Boundaries are not ultimatums. They're not about controlling other people's reactions or forcing support. They're about protecting your commitment to yourself without burning bridges.

This sounds like:

• "I’m doing this. I'm not asking you to join me. I’m just asking you not to tear it or me down."

• "This matters to me, even if it doesn't to you."

• "I'm choosing to prioritize this right now."

You don't owe constant explanations. You don't need to convince, justify, or defend every decision. Spend less of your resources on convincing and more on consistency in the work. Your actions will speak louder than any argument ever could. The people who love and care about you will see that what you’re doing is worth it as they see you happier and in a better place.

Stop Outsourcing Your Motivation

If your motivation relies on approval from others, it's fragile. It won't survive dismissive comments or skepticism. You have to build internal evidence—proof to yourself that you're capable, committed, and worth showing up for.

That evidence comes from:

• Keeping small promises to yourself (especially when no one's watching)

• Showing up imperfectly instead of waiting for perfect conditions

• Tracking effort, not just outcomes (because effort is what you control)

• Learning through experience and putting those lessons into practice

• Being courageous when fear is present too, instead of running away

• Taking moments to note how it feels to follow through (especially when you didn’t feel like it initially)

• Celebrating progress for what it is instead of always comparing it to an optimal, perfect standard

Confidence doesn't come before action. It comes after. Through doing the thing scared. Through proving to yourself that you're someone who follows through.

Adjust Your Expectations

I’ll admit, this is easier said than done. It’s hard… it’s also worth it. You’re also capable of doing it. Not everyone will be excited for you. Not everyone will get it. Some people will come around after they see positive progress and realize this isn't a phase or a threat. Some never do.

You might need to grieve the support you hoped for. The encouragement you thought you'd get. The partner who would ask about your workout or celebrate your progress. You might lose people or parts of your life that no longer align. Those losses are real. It's okay to feel it.

Grief doesn’t look one way, and nobody can tell you how to do it properly. I will note that grieving what you don't have doesn't mean giving up what you need.

Find or Build Alternative Support

You're not meant to do hard things in isolation. If your immediate circle isn't the place where you find support, go find it elsewhere:

• Compassionate coaches you can trust 

• Communities (online or in-person) that reflect who you're becoming

• Friends who get it (even if they're not doing the exact same thing)

• Spaces that propel you

Choose rooms that reflect who you're becoming, not who you used to be or don’t want to be.

When Doubt Creeps In (Because It Will)

There will be moments when you question whether this is worth it. When the lack of support feels too heavy. When you wonder if you're being selfish or obsessive, or too much.

Ask yourself:

• "Is this discomfort or misalignment?" (Discomfort is part of growth. Misalignment is abandoning yourself, your values, and your goals.)

• "Am I abandoning myself, my values, or my goals to keep peace?"

Growth often feels lonely before it feels empowering. The gap between who you were and who you're becoming is uncomfortable for everyone (including you). That discomfort is not a sign you're doing something wrong. It's actually a sign you're doing something real, something different, and something that is challenging you to change.

Important Reminder

You don't need permission from others to take care of yourself.

Your health is not selfish. Your commitment to showing up for yourself is not obsessive. Your decision to prioritize how you feel physically, mentally, and emotionally is not up for debate.

You're allowed to evolve, even if the people around you stay the same. You're allowed to want more for yourself. You're allowed to build a life that feels aligned, even if it feels like no one is cheering you on at first.

I’ll say it again and again and again, cool shit happens on the other side of doing. Sometimes that means doing it anyway.

When you stop waiting for approval. When you stop shrinking to keep others comfortable. When you show up for yourself—imperfectly, consistently, unapologetically—that's when cool shit happens.

Not because anyone finally believed in you. Because you cared and believed in yourself enough to start.

If you can resonate with this, coaching could be THE game changer for you. If you’re interested, email Meryl or simply apply for coaching to start the inquiry process.

Check out the Real Talk Nutrition Podcast episode on this topic for additional advice on how to navigate this!